XXVII-26 Black-Market Heart

.
ARCHIVE II
.

Moderators: gardawg, AJFolkart

XXVII-26 Black-Market Heart

Postby AJFolkart » Sat Jun 16, 2007 7:41 pm

Have run out of time, will have to comment tomorrow at dawn!

XXVII-26 Black-Market Heart

You could do yourself an injury
and never be able to love again
trying to transplant a black-market heart
souled to you by some rascal peddler.

Know that your time is coming!

The blind Goddess, Justice, scales held high,
is having a cataract operation next Wednesday.

Her vision will be 40/40 X-Ray after that,
see right down to your garters
once she learns to focus again,
see every whisper and death rattlesnake.

So swallow your bewilderment,
and just make do with what you have
tick tock, tick tock, ratatatatatat.
User avatar
AJFolkart
Forum Director
 
Posts: 14854
Joined: Sun Jun 26, 2005 4:02 pm
Location: Windward Oahu, Hawaii

Postby allenitz » Sat Jun 16, 2007 8:18 pm

"souled to you"

that's great.

noticed the rattlesnake reference - just saw in the ny times today the same rattlesnake invasion stories I was reading in the la times a month ago. I guess it too them a while to slither from la to ny (probably a bunch got lost in texas).

good poem.

allen
poetry, art and music all at www.7beats.com
User avatar
allenitz
Forum Director
 
Posts: 7844
Joined: Mon May 29, 2006 2:15 pm
Location: San Antonio, Texas

Postby Martha G. » Sat Jun 16, 2007 10:34 pm

Alice, I was struck by this too:

Alice wrote:
souled to you


I feel forewarned by the whole poem especially this:

Alice wrote:
see right down to your garters
once she learns to focus again,
see every whisper and death rattlesnake.
:shock:

Martha
Last edited by Martha G. on Sun Jun 17, 2007 8:10 pm, edited 3 times in total.
Martha G.
Angel
 
Posts: 796
Joined: Sun May 20, 2007 1:17 am

Re: XXVII-26 Black-Market Heart

Postby TheGunnersDream » Sat Jun 16, 2007 11:23 pm

AJFolkart wrote:You could do yourself an injury
and never be able to love again
trying to transplant a black-market heart
souled to you by some rascal peddler.

The blind Goddess, Justice, scales held high,
is having a cataract operation next Wednesday.



These lines shone out, and as already indicated "souled" was great.

Don't hurry back, we'll have a party in your absence and mess the place up a bit.

Thane
User avatar
TheGunnersDream
Forum Director
 
Posts: 5111
Joined: Sat Jul 30, 2005 1:54 am
Location: Palmerston North, New Zealand

Postby eachilles » Sun Jun 17, 2007 12:45 pm

Alice,

these lines need to be read aloud:

Her vision will be 40/40 X-Ray after that,
see right down to your garters
once she learns to focus again,
see every whisper and death rattlesnake.

There's something very fluid, and at the same time choppy here at the end with 'rattlesnake' that alerts us to the danger.

Very cool write.

Ellen
Ellen Kombiyil
eachilles
Archangel
 
Posts: 2177
Joined: Thu Nov 03, 2005 9:49 am
Location: Bangalore, India

Postby Helen V » Sun Jun 17, 2007 3:04 pm

Alice,

This is clever, I esp. like:

'trying to transplant a black-market heart
souled to you by some rascal peddler.'

AND:

'So swallow your bewilderment,
and just make do with what you have
tick tock, tick tock, ratatatatatat.'

Nice, Alice,
Smiles,
Helen
Helen V
Michaelesque
 
Posts: 3724
Joined: Thu Nov 02, 2006 10:02 am
Location: Upstate NY

Postby gardawg » Sun Jun 17, 2007 6:26 pm

Her vision will be 40/40 X-Ray after that,
see right down to your garters
once she learns to focus again,
see every whisper and death rattlesnake.

An outstanding S in a vg poem.

Smiles.

Gary
who is glad we don't rattlers or anything like them...
User avatar
gardawg
Forum Director
 
Posts: 12061
Joined: Sun Jun 26, 2005 10:03 am
Location: Bremerton, WA


Return to The House of 30: A Perfect Day 4 Poetry



Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 1 guest